LET'S TALK  MARRIAGE
Before a girl gets married she MUST  learn how to make these doilies!   They are beautiful and take many hours.  Below is a gift I will treasure forever!  Made by the loveliest girl named Greta

The way to get married here is by parental arrangement.  I have only met married people here who were joined together by their parents.  Often, they only barely met their to be espouse --sometimes on the very day of the wedding.  While learning to make Doilies with the young women, one of our gals said... she had an awful dream that her parents brought a man for her to marry and that she would HAVE to marry him.  She explained that they don't do that anymore, but an unmarried young girl over 20 is looked  upon like they are a family problem.  They want their girls out of the house!  However, a bachelor can stay around with his mother forever it seems and there is no stigma.  I would think it  would be the other way around.  I personally would have been one of those young girls at 25 studying at the university, thinking I was a liability to the family getting married later than 20.

(let's just take a brief moment on the "have to's"--The parents have a lot of control over their children in these parts--even children in their thirties.  They will "Have To" check with their parents before they do anything and they are 22-27.   I understand having to coordinate family duties but this is much more than coordination... like a direct verbal approval.  Parents often carry weight about where their married children will live because they have an inheritance system here.  We recently met someone whose parents on the Man's side decided they would raise their oldest child not the mother and father.  The first born lives with the grandparents not with his siblings.  He is given all kinds of benefits of education, cell phones, computers and nothing is given to their own son or to his sibling brothers.  I would think this could create very sibling rivalry in the future at No fault to the oldest grandchild because he was taken very very young.   I see Joseph of many colors performed in real life before my eyes.

There is another "have to"  if you go to someone's house they HAVE TO feed you a treat and a drink. This is the culture.   This is an obligation ---those going to in the house HAVE TO eat that food and drink or it is a great offense. These people really are hospitable and giving.  You will eat their food in front of them  and their children while they eat nothing --they just watch you eat.

There are many many cultural HAVE TO's  for funerals, weddings, and other things.  Many of the HAVE TO'S involve coffee, alcohol and a smoke which is something we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ are confronted.   This is very difficult.  Our members will be the very first of their families, their society to break traditions making correct choices for themselves.  Our members are STRONG!  They UNDERSTAND THE COMMANDMENTS,   THEY ARE CAPABLE OF MAKING CORRECT CHOICES!  This doesn't change the fact that it extremely difficult !  

During the same crocheting session the mothers talked about Love and lost loves and their arranged marriages.  I kept the best poker face I could hold.  I wanted to hug these mothers.  We are teaching them all about eternal families and how important families are and almost all of these women would have chosen a different path if they could have.  Then, they turn to me..... Did you get to go to school, travel, have as many children as you wanted?  Did you marry the man of your dreams like the movies?  Did you get to choose your husband?

 Right at that same time..................... Lorin waltzed in to check on our progress, to see if we needed any help and gave me a kiss.   I didn't have to say a word.  They all smiled and said how happy they are for me.  ........

How bless I am to have had the Freedom of Choice.  I said nothing and began to make my doily again.....Gratitude just reached a different level today.    Where much is given.... much is require rolls over an over in my head lately.  The song "I have been given much I too must give".....